You describe this perfectly. When I was still very sick, I went to the doctor with a pain in my right side. She ordered some test and the nurse called me later and said it was my gallbladder. The gallbladder that had been removed months earlier based on the doctor's findings then (confirmed by the surgeon). That's one of many examples. And it wasn't through medicine that I was healed, it was by listening to my own body, a skill that my acupuncturist and holistic practitioner taught me.
How much I needed to read this while I get ready for an upcoming doctor's visit. I am learning to allow joy to live in my body and finding that, the less I pathologize every (normal) reaction/symptom, the more I grow roots and the less pain I feel. In the words of Andrea Gibson:
Squeezing your hand in that waiting room. Sending spores of support for that visit. I so understand the layered complexity of needing care that comes to us entangled with capitalism
Have you ever wanted to walk out of a bad movie? How often have you stayed? Are you, now, part of the performance? 'Thank you!' for giving a voice to those enmeshed in health "performances"🙏💚🍄
I love this Sophie! Thank you for so eloquently expressing the great pessimism of 'modern' western 'medicine'. It continues to perplex and flummox me, just how much negative energy is involved in conventional medicine today.
I see how I too am persuaded by this pathological system into feeling more pain than perhaps I need to. Your article has given me encouragement to see the joy as well as the pain, to focus on that which is life giving as well as that which takes away.
You express this so, so well! I have so many stories from my own experiences and my parents and the folks I work with that just... ahhh. As a practitioner I try to be conscious of and deliberate with my language ... studying hypnotherapy, neuroplasticity, and realizing just how powerful it all is - the words we say, the non verbal language we use ... all of it. I am sorry for the violence and awfulness of this broken system and grateful to you for coming out with this beautiful essay and way to resist and create something else. In our hypno training we used to lament about this exact thing - not “how are you? how are you, whole person?” instead “how’s your pain? how’s your pain today?” It would be laughable if it weren’t so harmful. I love your phrasing “theatre of healing.” And yes, how much joy? 🙏🏾💞💫
The sad truth is that if the practitioner were given a backstory in this "theatre of medicine" they too would, more often than not, need to reveal their pain being stuck in an Epic system that overworks, disregards, and sickens them. This is the reason they are leaving in droves after dealing with the pandemic. They get to leave their diseased place, if financially able, if not, they are "deeply informed by their lack of confidence" in their employer.....the patient and practitioner are both involved in a tragic narrative. Ironically when the joy is accessed for the practitioner it's in the relationship with the patient .....there just isn't enough compassion to go around, given the need in all directions.
This makes me feel so nauseous and conflicted. I spend my days working in public health trying to counter this exact destructive dynamic by offering myself fully in every patient and staff interaction I find myself in. I know there are many others that do the same. I can personally vouch for everything said here. It is however very sad to hear and also chips away at my hope that things will change for the better. I often think about those people who have suffered under poor care but also those who wholeheartedly struggle to offer it in a collapsing system.
Thank you Sophie, you articulated this beautifully and put words to something I have struggled with but couldn't name. I am an ER doctor, so most of my patients I am not seeing on a repeated basis, but I feel both how this pain scale is not useful information and how this is not healing. I was doing some work with archetypes a few years back and was actually shocked when healer came across as my career archetype. Think about that, I, as a physician, feel profoundly disconnected with healing being part of my career. That feels like madness to me. I sometimes try to go "off doctor script" with my patients. I have never been penalized for it, but sometimes it feels like I am violating some unspoken code. I'm not sure where to go with this. As a physician I feel like in some ways I have a lot of power, but in some ways as you spoke I am a cog in a much bigger machine. I am trying to exit that machine, but I also wanted to call attention to the fact that the system is injuring patients, doctors, and nurses morally, emotionally, and physically. I feel so much grief and rage about this.
So much recognition, so much joy and grief on reading this. Thank you for writing this. On my search for joy in this fragile life I still have, I have eloped from the hospital world and it has done me good. All the people I see now are there because they want to see me, not just my blood test scores or pain levels, and it helps me live well.
Excellent spin of perspective. Love this. It's nuts how only in the medical world is a negative a positive, a positive a negative. Unremarkable is actually quite a good thing while remarkable is most notably not something you want to appear in the data set. Truly though, the not being seen, not being heard resonates deeply with me.
You have described something I have felt for years as a midwife and a nurse. These rituals are bizarre. There is also incredible disdain for chronically sick women, and few resources to readily understand their pain. Bearing witness to this abuse and neglect really hurt me as a fellow human. I had to leave corporate medicine in order to practice the way I feel is truly healing. I have the freedom now to listen, be curious, and learn from my patients. The part I am working on now is embodying the healing that the person needs- the theater aspect. How to do this authentically, without harm, this is the whole deep conundrum and chasing that is what keeps me coming back day after day to sit in my exam room. Your words and your perspective are more than needed, they are ESSENTIAL. And so appreciated. Thank you. I’m so excited for your book. Thank you.
You describe this perfectly. When I was still very sick, I went to the doctor with a pain in my right side. She ordered some test and the nurse called me later and said it was my gallbladder. The gallbladder that had been removed months earlier based on the doctor's findings then (confirmed by the surgeon). That's one of many examples. And it wasn't through medicine that I was healed, it was by listening to my own body, a skill that my acupuncturist and holistic practitioner taught me.
Jesus. I hear stories like this every day. It makes my blood boil. Love and fierceness to you Lynn ❤️🔥
Un-fucking-believable and tragically so believable. Sorry you went through that Lynn, and so glad you found another way.
How much I needed to read this while I get ready for an upcoming doctor's visit. I am learning to allow joy to live in my body and finding that, the less I pathologize every (normal) reaction/symptom, the more I grow roots and the less pain I feel. In the words of Andrea Gibson:
"My pain,
how happy it is to leave me
whenever I treat it kind."
Thank you, as always 🧚
Squeezing your hand in that waiting room. Sending spores of support for that visit. I so understand the layered complexity of needing care that comes to us entangled with capitalism
Have you ever wanted to walk out of a bad movie? How often have you stayed? Are you, now, part of the performance? 'Thank you!' for giving a voice to those enmeshed in health "performances"🙏💚🍄
💚💚
I love this Sophie! Thank you for so eloquently expressing the great pessimism of 'modern' western 'medicine'. It continues to perplex and flummox me, just how much negative energy is involved in conventional medicine today.
I see how I too am persuaded by this pathological system into feeling more pain than perhaps I need to. Your article has given me encouragement to see the joy as well as the pain, to focus on that which is life giving as well as that which takes away.
Thanks again, much love and gratitude, Rache xx
Gratitude back to you Rache 🌬️ 🌼🌹🪸🍄
You express this so, so well! I have so many stories from my own experiences and my parents and the folks I work with that just... ahhh. As a practitioner I try to be conscious of and deliberate with my language ... studying hypnotherapy, neuroplasticity, and realizing just how powerful it all is - the words we say, the non verbal language we use ... all of it. I am sorry for the violence and awfulness of this broken system and grateful to you for coming out with this beautiful essay and way to resist and create something else. In our hypno training we used to lament about this exact thing - not “how are you? how are you, whole person?” instead “how’s your pain? how’s your pain today?” It would be laughable if it weren’t so harmful. I love your phrasing “theatre of healing.” And yes, how much joy? 🙏🏾💞💫
Thank you for holding these questions with me Mona 🌈🌸
Im not crying, I'm crying ❤️ thank you dear one, making sense of my chaos
So much love to you Katie 🌺🌀💜
The sad truth is that if the practitioner were given a backstory in this "theatre of medicine" they too would, more often than not, need to reveal their pain being stuck in an Epic system that overworks, disregards, and sickens them. This is the reason they are leaving in droves after dealing with the pandemic. They get to leave their diseased place, if financially able, if not, they are "deeply informed by their lack of confidence" in their employer.....the patient and practitioner are both involved in a tragic narrative. Ironically when the joy is accessed for the practitioner it's in the relationship with the patient .....there just isn't enough compassion to go around, given the need in all directions.
I really appreciated Rupa Murya and Raj Patels expansion of this issue in their co-written book Inflamed
This makes me feel so nauseous and conflicted. I spend my days working in public health trying to counter this exact destructive dynamic by offering myself fully in every patient and staff interaction I find myself in. I know there are many others that do the same. I can personally vouch for everything said here. It is however very sad to hear and also chips away at my hope that things will change for the better. I often think about those people who have suffered under poor care but also those who wholeheartedly struggle to offer it in a collapsing system.
Thank you Sophie, you articulated this beautifully and put words to something I have struggled with but couldn't name. I am an ER doctor, so most of my patients I am not seeing on a repeated basis, but I feel both how this pain scale is not useful information and how this is not healing. I was doing some work with archetypes a few years back and was actually shocked when healer came across as my career archetype. Think about that, I, as a physician, feel profoundly disconnected with healing being part of my career. That feels like madness to me. I sometimes try to go "off doctor script" with my patients. I have never been penalized for it, but sometimes it feels like I am violating some unspoken code. I'm not sure where to go with this. As a physician I feel like in some ways I have a lot of power, but in some ways as you spoke I am a cog in a much bigger machine. I am trying to exit that machine, but I also wanted to call attention to the fact that the system is injuring patients, doctors, and nurses morally, emotionally, and physically. I feel so much grief and rage about this.
So much recognition, so much joy and grief on reading this. Thank you for writing this. On my search for joy in this fragile life I still have, I have eloped from the hospital world and it has done me good. All the people I see now are there because they want to see me, not just my blood test scores or pain levels, and it helps me live well.
Excellent spin of perspective. Love this. It's nuts how only in the medical world is a negative a positive, a positive a negative. Unremarkable is actually quite a good thing while remarkable is most notably not something you want to appear in the data set. Truly though, the not being seen, not being heard resonates deeply with me.
You have described something I have felt for years as a midwife and a nurse. These rituals are bizarre. There is also incredible disdain for chronically sick women, and few resources to readily understand their pain. Bearing witness to this abuse and neglect really hurt me as a fellow human. I had to leave corporate medicine in order to practice the way I feel is truly healing. I have the freedom now to listen, be curious, and learn from my patients. The part I am working on now is embodying the healing that the person needs- the theater aspect. How to do this authentically, without harm, this is the whole deep conundrum and chasing that is what keeps me coming back day after day to sit in my exam room. Your words and your perspective are more than needed, they are ESSENTIAL. And so appreciated. Thank you. I’m so excited for your book. Thank you.