Somehow, I managed to finish a book and submit it in the midst of physical meltdown. And now I’m puddle. Mostly bed bound. Bardo-brained. The other day, I went back to the outtakes from my book and read this one. It was a reminder I needed and today I offer it to you.
"It is contaminated and complex and interwoven into my very being. It is here to teach me I am not the main character of the story. I may not even be a character. I may be the setting. The landscape of microbial love stories." Over and over, this is what you do that makes your writing and thinking so special. You turn the image on its head and show the writhing, living world underneath. It's really quite extraordinary and deeply necessary. Bardo-brained or not, your spirit and imagination seem a thousand times more vital than many able bodied folks trying to tread the same ground.
Sophie, this made my chest so full I couldn’t breathe and nearly brought me to ugly sobs. Thank you so much for this beautiful affirmation of self-as-ecology and for naming the ways that the mainstream reconnections to nature leave those of us who live in disabled bodies behind.
this resonates soooo deeply 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 discovering the ecosystem of your own bedroom and body is a miraculous journey.... and a beautiful reminder that every limitation is also an invitation.
that beloved Frida painting, her story entangled with yours and mine and so many others, bringing me home to the depths of what is possible even as I lie incapacitated and in pain. the bravery it must have taken for you to write this memoir... I am eternally grateful. 🧡
I take care of my intellectually/developmentally disabled brother full time (in fact, I was just interrupted by him while writing this). There is so much that resonates with caring for someone like him with what you wrote (I've been trying myself to write about these things from the perspective of one caring for someone who literally cannot care for themselves or even speak for themselves and who is also someone who suffers from physically disabling conditions that make caring extremely difficult). I want to be careful with my words here but I think I understand deeply and experientially what you are saying. It is so difficult to communicate to others sometimes... Thank you for everything you do
I have long been interested in a relationship with the tiny beings that make up most of 'me'. If you aren't already familiar with the work of Siv Watkins, you might find her a kindred spirit. https://www.microanimism.com/about-siv-watkins
O Sophie, my heart goes out to you and your very disturbing challenges.
And...your writing is exquisite. I hope you know that, as something that can hold you close through all your trials. A long embrace........................................
I have come back to your words so many times since first reading this piece about a week ago. Your words and mind give me goosebumps Sophie Strand!
I was particularly enchanted by this part: "Today I am not well enough to go to a sit spot. To visit my bird family and my river. But today I realize that kinship is not simple or external. It is contaminated and complex and interwoven into my very being. It is here to teach me I am not the main character of the story. I may not even be a character. I may be the setting. The landscape of microbial love stories."
It reminded me of the Buddhist teachings on ‘not-self’ which logically I could grasp but the concept never fully digested until I read your words. It helped me turn to my body not through the tight lens of ‘main character self’ and instead expand out into a vast landscape, where all sensations and symptoms were no longer being filtered through an “I”- (how do these sensations impact ME), but instead were viewed and held in a more accepting, curious, even delighted way.
Perhaps our sensations are a symphony and now I can better delight in the song of my body- even if at times it’s a melancholy tune. 🎶✨
I figured you would probably know her work. :) Encountering her was a revelation and it's changed how I relate to the tiny beings. They aren't usually the 'poster children' for relationship with the other than humans, but so fascinating to be in conversation with.
I wish that I could write more often but I'm steadily losing my ability to navigate the keyboard. As ever I am🙏🙏🙏for your efforts to chronicle the chronic disease path and to make your stories available to your fellow travelers. 🍄
"It is contaminated and complex and interwoven into my very being. It is here to teach me I am not the main character of the story. I may not even be a character. I may be the setting. The landscape of microbial love stories." Over and over, this is what you do that makes your writing and thinking so special. You turn the image on its head and show the writhing, living world underneath. It's really quite extraordinary and deeply necessary. Bardo-brained or not, your spirit and imagination seem a thousand times more vital than many able bodied folks trying to tread the same ground.
Sophie, this made my chest so full I couldn’t breathe and nearly brought me to ugly sobs. Thank you so much for this beautiful affirmation of self-as-ecology and for naming the ways that the mainstream reconnections to nature leave those of us who live in disabled bodies behind.
this resonates soooo deeply 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 discovering the ecosystem of your own bedroom and body is a miraculous journey.... and a beautiful reminder that every limitation is also an invitation.
that beloved Frida painting, her story entangled with yours and mine and so many others, bringing me home to the depths of what is possible even as I lie incapacitated and in pain. the bravery it must have taken for you to write this memoir... I am eternally grateful. 🧡
if I could share this 100 times I would
I take care of my intellectually/developmentally disabled brother full time (in fact, I was just interrupted by him while writing this). There is so much that resonates with caring for someone like him with what you wrote (I've been trying myself to write about these things from the perspective of one caring for someone who literally cannot care for themselves or even speak for themselves and who is also someone who suffers from physically disabling conditions that make caring extremely difficult). I want to be careful with my words here but I think I understand deeply and experientially what you are saying. It is so difficult to communicate to others sometimes... Thank you for everything you do
(If you're interested by the way, something I wrote about this: https://freeanduneasy.blog/disability-in-the-wild/ )
I'm at a loss for words reading this. Thank you.
I have long been interested in a relationship with the tiny beings that make up most of 'me'. If you aren't already familiar with the work of Siv Watkins, you might find her a kindred spirit. https://www.microanimism.com/about-siv-watkins
"I may not even be a character. I may be the setting." Thank you, as ever, for opening my heart and mind.
O Sophie, my heart goes out to you and your very disturbing challenges.
And...your writing is exquisite. I hope you know that, as something that can hold you close through all your trials. A long embrace........................................
I have come back to your words so many times since first reading this piece about a week ago. Your words and mind give me goosebumps Sophie Strand!
I was particularly enchanted by this part: "Today I am not well enough to go to a sit spot. To visit my bird family and my river. But today I realize that kinship is not simple or external. It is contaminated and complex and interwoven into my very being. It is here to teach me I am not the main character of the story. I may not even be a character. I may be the setting. The landscape of microbial love stories."
It reminded me of the Buddhist teachings on ‘not-self’ which logically I could grasp but the concept never fully digested until I read your words. It helped me turn to my body not through the tight lens of ‘main character self’ and instead expand out into a vast landscape, where all sensations and symptoms were no longer being filtered through an “I”- (how do these sensations impact ME), but instead were viewed and held in a more accepting, curious, even delighted way.
Perhaps our sensations are a symphony and now I can better delight in the song of my body- even if at times it’s a melancholy tune. 🎶✨
I figured you would probably know her work. :) Encountering her was a revelation and it's changed how I relate to the tiny beings. They aren't usually the 'poster children' for relationship with the other than humans, but so fascinating to be in conversation with.
I wish that I could write more often but I'm steadily losing my ability to navigate the keyboard. As ever I am🙏🙏🙏for your efforts to chronicle the chronic disease path and to make your stories available to your fellow travelers. 🍄
Sophie, thank you for continuing to explore this relationship with such courage and beauty.